Career advice from a couple’s retreat
Somehow I convinced my husband to go on a couple’s retreat with me on the West Coast of Canada not long after we were married. If you know Mike you know he’s game for anything, but even this felt like more than I could expect! We took two planes and two boats to get to Cortes Island.
Much can be said about our experience there (and yes, there were many parallels to the movie Couple’s Retreat starring Vince Vaughn). But what I want to share with you here is a lesson that not only applies to partnership, but also to career.
Our teachers – Robert Gass and Judith Ansara – explained a new way to think of our partnership. There’s me (Christina), there’s him (Mike), and now there’s a third entity (the relationship). They explained that the relationship exists separate from each of us. We are not it. It is not us. However, we are both invested. They said to think of the relationship like a garden. We both show up there to make it work.
And this next part is the key that stuck.
They said that each of us has 100% responsibility for that garden. Not 50/50 but 100/100.
Let it soak in. 100% / 100%.
So what does this mean. It means at any given time, it is each person’s responsibility to show up for the relationship, take action, help to cultivate the garden. I am 100% responsible for my part. There’s no getting off the hook.
Can you feel how 100% has such a different energy than 50%?
This is the energy I invite you to bring to your career development.
You and your employer have entered a commitment with one another. And a third entity exists that is your career development. The mistake a lot of people make is that we assume that if we invest partially, our employer will do the same and we will be on a path of growth no matter what.
I was fortunate enough to work at places that were invested in my path. But I waited far too long to take full responsibility for my own growth. And now that I’m self-employed, I only have what I put in.
Your employer may show up 100% for your career development (and I hope they do), but they also may show up with 5% or 0%.
So don’t wait for them or expect it from them. Claim your own career development and commit to it as 100% your responsibility. If an employer, or your network, or a mentor chips in extra, this is amazing. And you will get the benefit of 100%+.
But if you show up 20% and your employer shows up 5%, you’re at 25.
I don’t mean to suggest that every day you hustle and push yourself and grow grow grow. I’m not an advocate for that as it can be a short path to burnout. But I am advocate for choosing the way you show up and making it 100% your choice.
What would be different if you adopted this mindset?
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I talked about this topic and more in a free LinkedIn Audio event today. Follow me on LinkedIn if you want to be aware of future events like this one.
And if you are ready to claim 100% responsibility for your own career development and act on it, I have openings in my schedule for new 1:1 clients. Reply to this message and we can find a time to speak about this opportunity.